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[IC Journal: Rhui (TB)]
Nov. 20th, 2011 07:42 pmI woke after a night filled with dreams, some dark and cold, filled with faces both familiar and strange, with the sounds of growling and screams teeth and bloo
Some were filled with sounds of an entirely different kind, the darkness warm and heavy instead. It was to one of those that I awoke, the music in my dream fading away as awareness slowly crept in. The few moments it took me to realize that the arms around me and the lips at my throat were real and not lingering fragments of a dream are some of the best in my memory.
We spent a lazy time lolling in bed, talking about little nothings. I think I might have spent the day like that, no matter how indulgent it felt, but as inevitably happens when I'm with him, the atmosphere changed from comfortable and warm to somewhat heated, though it was cooled quite rapidly when the subject of Kheyrin came up somehow.
I honestly don't know why the topic incenses him so much. He seemed almost angry, insisting that I'd been done a great injustice of some kind.
It wasn't as awful and tawdry as he makes it sound, really. The grass was soft and the lilies were blooming in a joyful profusion, nodding in the lowering afternoon sunlight that gilded everything and turned the sky the brightest blue... It did pain me deeply to later find out he'd never intended to come back, but really, I should have known better than to trust the silver tongue of a sailor. Light knows they tried to drum it into our heads often enough. Any hurt I took was my own fault.
He asked me if I thought things would have been different if it had been HIM at my cloister. I misunderstood at first, though who could blame me for laughing at the idea of Finwë living the quiet life of a healer-priest? Then he showed me the remnants of why he would have been sent to us.
My poor, dear milnin. Life has been so very unkind to you, hasn't it? You talk of changing the past to save me some little pain. Would that I could do the same for you, even if it meant you would have never known I existed.
He said he'd been in love with a priest once, but his voice and his eyes told me that love was a "still" and not a "once upon a time." He denied it, but he looked so lost and bereft...
I said something then, I'm not sure where I'd heard it but it seemed right. It seemed to startle him very much. He gave me the strangest look, taking away my spectacles to peer at my eyes... then he laughed and sent me off to get clean while he found us some breakfast.
I shouldn't have. But the lure of an honest to goodness hot bath is one I find I'm powerless to resist, especially in a tub large enough for me to stretch out in.
I don't know why I was surprised that he came in, or that he joined me.
Light, I'm so weak. But it seems that I have more than one weakness. He said it wouldn't count, but... I never did things like that with my friends.
I made a promise to stay. It's a promise I'm finding easier and easier to keep, even if part of me is certain it will only bring me heartache in the end.
Some were filled with sounds of an entirely different kind, the darkness warm and heavy instead. It was to one of those that I awoke, the music in my dream fading away as awareness slowly crept in. The few moments it took me to realize that the arms around me and the lips at my throat were real and not lingering fragments of a dream are some of the best in my memory.
We spent a lazy time lolling in bed, talking about little nothings. I think I might have spent the day like that, no matter how indulgent it felt, but as inevitably happens when I'm with him, the atmosphere changed from comfortable and warm to somewhat heated, though it was cooled quite rapidly when the subject of Kheyrin came up somehow.
I honestly don't know why the topic incenses him so much. He seemed almost angry, insisting that I'd been done a great injustice of some kind.
It wasn't as awful and tawdry as he makes it sound, really. The grass was soft and the lilies were blooming in a joyful profusion, nodding in the lowering afternoon sunlight that gilded everything and turned the sky the brightest blue... It did pain me deeply to later find out he'd never intended to come back, but really, I should have known better than to trust the silver tongue of a sailor. Light knows they tried to drum it into our heads often enough. Any hurt I took was my own fault.
He asked me if I thought things would have been different if it had been HIM at my cloister. I misunderstood at first, though who could blame me for laughing at the idea of Finwë living the quiet life of a healer-priest? Then he showed me the remnants of why he would have been sent to us.
My poor, dear milnin. Life has been so very unkind to you, hasn't it? You talk of changing the past to save me some little pain. Would that I could do the same for you, even if it meant you would have never known I existed.
He said he'd been in love with a priest once, but his voice and his eyes told me that love was a "still" and not a "once upon a time." He denied it, but he looked so lost and bereft...
I said something then, I'm not sure where I'd heard it but it seemed right. It seemed to startle him very much. He gave me the strangest look, taking away my spectacles to peer at my eyes... then he laughed and sent me off to get clean while he found us some breakfast.
I shouldn't have. But the lure of an honest to goodness hot bath is one I find I'm powerless to resist, especially in a tub large enough for me to stretch out in.
I don't know why I was surprised that he came in, or that he joined me.
Light, I'm so weak. But it seems that I have more than one weakness. He said it wouldn't count, but... I never did things like that with my friends.
I made a promise to stay. It's a promise I'm finding easier and easier to keep, even if part of me is certain it will only bring me heartache in the end.
